This morning I woke oddly -- my alarm did not go off, at least to my memory -- cuz it MUST have gone off, and I MUST have turned it off -- right? But I still woke around the right time, and slept and woke enough times to feel like getting up at about the time I would have gotten up if the alarm HAD gone off. Showered and dressed and went to make my coffee. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink in my sweet tiny little kitchen, my eye was caught and held by the picture outside the window. Trees on either side, framing the square view in an almost too perfect style -- green leaves, with just a hint of turning, with bright yellow trees behind them on the other side of the creek, and a floor of red and gold leaves on the ground leading up to the water. The ground covered so thickly with red and gold that the pewter grey of the water shone in a fine firm line, rippled occasionally with small silver ripples, and a small duck poised in the very center of the picture. The whole lit delicately by the rising sun. I stood and stared at it, while part of my mind hung its mouth open, and another part was gabbling, "oh, gotta remember this! Gotta draw it or take a picture of it or write it down so that I REMEMBER...!" But I know that none of those things will happen. I can't draw it or paint it, I have no camera, and even though I describe it ten times more closely and more fitly than I just have, I still will not remember it. Just won't! Life!
So. My mother has cancer.