Saturday, November 27, 2010

Three feet tall and rising

Surface of the water is in constant motion this morning! We'll say it's because of the ducks, and not the enormous underwater KRAKEN! --arrghhh..... glub, glub (that's me drowning).

It also looks fat -- the water does, I mean. It is very pale brownish-grey this morning, none of that steely look it so often has. But it doesn't look like the surface of water, or at least, not like a pond of water. It looks like the top of a custard pie, rising above its pastry in the oven! Sort of fattish along the edges, with a definite rounded edge. Hasn't been wet for a few days, either, so unless it just took this long for all the rainwater to sluice itself down here and fill this pond, I don't know why it's rising. How high's the water, Mama?

Friday, November 26, 2010

As are we all!

Well, quite a few things have happened that I really ought to have been mentioning, if this blog is really a "log" -- because a log is where you keep track of what is going on from DAY to DAY. So if a week has gone by without an entry, this is Not Good Log Keeping. So, by definition, bad blogging. Therefore I apologize to all of you (mostly imaginary) Readers Out There In Blog World, as well as to the Great Blog Monitor In The Sky.

The reason, (since there must of course be a REASON, there is a reason for EVERYTHING, right?) that I have been unable/unwilling/not there in the blogging world, is that I haven't felt like even talking about this stuff, (cuz it's all bad), and even less like writing about it, cuz that has to be in complete sentences and spelled correctly, and all. So effort. And I didn't feel like expending effort. So in conclusion, "I didn't FEEEEEEL like it." Note the whine?

Well. Regarding the tooth situation. It has not been pulled, it is still firmly rooted in my head. Not causing me any pain or even discomfort at the moment (though more on that later) but still there after two visits to the dentist for the sole purpose of removing it. This is because the dentist was unable to anesthetize me. I would not get numb. After the first visit, he gave me two weeks worth of antibiotics with instructions to take three a day until gone, and to return next week to have the infection-free molar removed. The second time was worse. WORSE!!

The dentist had given me one shot of anesthesia, which was supposedly working, when he said, "You know I can see the nerve, right down there -- let me put the needle INSIDE the hole in your tooth, and that will REALLY get it thoroughly numb." I agreed, doubtfully, thinking he wouldn't want to do this if it was going to be too painful, right? YEEEEOOWWWWWCH! My legs were kicking and my body was jumping and I was trembling in great leaps and unable to speak, so acute and horrific and filling-the-whole-world was the pain. And although it died away when the shot was over, the jumping and twitching of all my limbs, and the tears from my eyes, and my inabaility to speak went on for about ten minutes. And still, several shots later, I was completely not numb. No numbness whatsoever. So the dentist wrote me another prescription for pain pills and sent me off to find an oral surgeon. And although I was having this done at the county office, because of my lack of money, it still cost nearly $100 per visit. Which I cannot spare, when the thing I was visiting them for is not accomplished. So I went through several people, and finally got someone who quite cheerfully agreed with me, and is willing to refund most of the fee for one visit.

So that little part of it is good, but the whole oral surgeon thing is BAD. Mostly because I cannot afford it. I don't think that any oral surgeons are working for the Poor Folks Clinic. But also because I am kind of worried, if I no longer respond to anesthesia, how will I ever get anything sewn up? Guess they'll just have to knock me out or give me laughing gas, if they ever want to do that!

And as far as pain and discomfort go, the tooth is mostly fine and I don't even know that it is there, but I was eating a piece of leftver Thanksgiving pie this morning -- raspberry banana -- and got a seed lodged between the tooth and the temporary filling. Painful! Until I was able to extract it with my handy little curved metal extractor thingy. But still.

So, besides this expenditure, I also have a speeding ticket to pay (I know, I know) and my regular bills, which more than take all my income as a regular occurrence. So monetarily, I am in a bad way. As are we all, I know.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Caring About Pain

The only time I have experienced the complete disappearance of pain was in the hospital while waiting to have my emergency appendectomy. The kind male nurse gave me a shot of liquid morphine, and it not only completely eliminated all traces of pain -- and that was some serious pain -- but made me feel warm and floaty and loving and as though I could answer any question. I can still picture the room, and the feeling of knowing everything, and having the answer to anything right on the tip of my tongue.

My usual experience with pain pills that work for me, is a feeling as though the pain does not matter -- it's still there, still recognizable as pain -- but the feeling that it is bad -- or important or meaningful at all -- is gone. So what brain access does it block?

I'm thinking about this because I have just taken my midday pain medication. I can still feel the tooth and its surrounding lake of pain, but the bridge to it has been cut. It does not affect me any longer. I don't care. So what is that -- the caring about pain -- that has been wiped out? What do you call that?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Fancy Dress for Ducks

Well, now at last I am feeling good. Feeling very peaceful, a little swimmy, and with no pain or feeling of distress at all. A very good feeling. Waiting for the water to boil for my cup of tea, and enjoying the lovely serenity of the afternoon. The pond is very full, and there are orange leaves scattered all over the grey surface of the water, which give the ducks a more festive air -- sort of dressed up, if you see what I mean.

This morning, you see, was my dental appointment at Clackamas County Dental Clinic. I was to be there at eight-thirty, which would have been no problem at all, except for Neighbor, who wanted to use the computer again, and had sworn up and down he would be here before eight, so that I could leave in plenty of time. And yet, for the third -- or fourth? -- time, he did not get up in time. I did make it in time however, although a fat lot of good that did me, since it was eleven thirty before they called me in! However.

I explained the trouble to the dentist, and he took a quick X-ray of the tooth, and tsk-tsked at me --"You see, this crack? All the way into the bone!" he said solemnly. And gave me a couple of fairly painful shots, and off we went. But. I would not get numb. I had told them how very poorly I respond to anesthetic, and so he gave me shot after shot (total of six, altogether!) and kept asking. Finally they sent me back out to the waiting room and made me wait for half an hour, while whizzing through several other patients (this is the County, you know -- they are moving as rapidly as they can!) When I came back in, my face, including my nose and my eyelid were numb and floppy, but when he began trying to pull the tooth, it hurt like billy-oh. Truly. I was shuddering all over -- even my legs were giving great leaps -- and tears were pouring out of my eyes. And my tooth! Huge crunching waves of pain. The dentist decided that in spite of my lack of fever and swelling, I must have gotten an infection in the root of the tooth itself, (which was blocking any anesthetic getting to the nerve under the tooth) and must take antibiotics for a week, and come back next Monday. I staggered out of the office, with my whole head going kaBOOM! kaBOOM! and managed to drive home, get my prescriptions filled, call the office and tell them I wasn't coming back (one-thirty by this point) and take two pain pills.

And that was about two hours ago, and I am feeling very calm and happy now. In fact, I think I may smile out the window once more and then take a nap.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sunday morning peace

Well, my lovely peaceful morning has changed colors somewhat -- but not with any startling surge. Joe was planning to come and do laundry here today, and had a ride all lined up, but he just called and said that it had fallen through (which I knew, I KNEW it would) because they all drank too much last night and uh....and Jamie's car died. I really, really wish he would not lie to me. However, I told him that I would be there to pick him up at about noon, which he accepted with relief, and I hope he went back to bed.

In the meantime, I am enjoying a peaceful Sunday morning, drinking my second cup of hot coffee and listening to the quiet voice of Karen Carpenter. No sounds from outside, except for the ducks, who have also quieted down since they got their morning bath taken. Cold enough out there, that it required a great deal of energy and vim to make them do it. Lots of squawking and splashing and racing to and fro. But not any more. And all my neighbors are still asleep, as well as the drivers of the world -- no traffic sounds. Peace.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Loud Sing Cuckoo! Or -- Penguin?

This morning as a I made my coffee, the view from the kitchen window was only identifiable because I knew what it was. It was nearly all charcoal with a few folds of pewter and one silver triangle where the sky reflected off the water. And a few ducks were already out on it, making a ripple that caught the tiny bit of light. Winter is coming! Time shift is this Sunday.