But. I am happy. I can feel my happiness like a glowing ball, like gathered light in a Harry Potter movie – “Expecto petronum!” or something like that. I can gently hold it in my upturned hands. And it seems to be centered in my cup of coffee. Not caused by, since it is also a lovely grey and delicately damp morning, but at least exemplified by. This is a fabulous cup of coffee. Fab-yoo-LUSS. Hot, strong, perfectly flavored, faintly magical…really great. I am drinking it in large sips, and then grimacing with the sharp but not-bothersome pain of drinking a liquid which is hotter than even my mouth can take. It is nearly gone, and then I will get another cupful before the flavor changes.
It is also caused by the fact that I am alone in the office. No one here yet. I can hear laughter and chatter faintly through the wall from the hair salon, and the light rolls of thunder of running children’s feet from the physical therapy office upstairs. But I think the phone has rung once all morning, so it is only me.
And by the fact that I have been doing genealogical work, and have tapped into an unknown and un-thought-of vein of good hard facts, which really pleases me. It’s like sturdy brickwork, constantly strengthening the framework I have already erected. Which gives me great pleasure. I mean, there are people’s family trees and all, which are only slightly better than nothing, and sometimes much worse, but this is a cluster of censuses. Makes me feel very good about this bastion of the family tree.