Since recently on Facebook we've been posting shots of our favorite cartoon characters as our profile pictures, in order to identify ourselves as humans against child abuse, I've been thinking about the cartoons I saw as a child (not very many) and those I particularly liked. Which caused me, in turn, to ponder this. So many of the things I particularly like, are tangled up, in my memories, with my ex-husband. Since of course there was the whole getting-to-know you time, when you tell the person you are dating all about yourself, including all your favorite things. And then there are the things you found that you liked while with that person. And then there are the things that THEY liked, which you hadn't heard of until dating them. And so on.
Well, one's first impulse is to shy away from EVERYTHING that you ever shared with this person, especially if they demonstrated themselves to be an abuser, a liar, a cheater and a criminal. Or, if it just hasn't been long since you broke up with them. Cuz I know most people's exes aren't all those things. But, if you do that, if you allow yourself to shy away, then you are allowing that liar, thief and cheater to take from you all the things that make you YOU, even down to your likes and dislikes. For example -- I selected Judy Jetson as me, since I really liked the Jetsons, and Judy was blonde. Even though my ex had told me many times how when he was a little boy he had been in love with Judy, and had even hinted several times that he had had sexual experiences with Judy Jetson. And since by that time (within the first year!) I had already figured out that I didn't want to know about any of his weird sexual stuff, (since then I would be expected to join in)I didn't ask to have that explained. But I thought that over, wiped out the squirmy memory of my ex and his strange needs, and selected Judy Jetson anyway. And then later I chose Snagglepuss. In spite of Ex's habit of imitating his voice and sayings. I like Snagglepuss! He quotes Shakespeare, and is very erudite in his Cowardly Lion way.
I am going to go right on liking the things that I like, regardless of whether Ex liked them too, or whether I first heard of them in his company. Vive l'individualite!