Thursday, October 14, 2010

I need a helicopter

Home again, home again (jiggety jig). I wonder what it is about home that makes it so relieving to get there. Probably some of it is just the relief -- the relief of no longer travelling, of driving if you're drving, or getting on and off planes, of trying to keep track of your belongings and your money, but just being somewhere where all of your clothes and toothbrushes and books and all ARE. But part of it is a warmer, more welcoming and happier feeling than that. It's as though you can let your breath out in a big sigh, but not merely of relief -- also of happiness to be back where you belong. And I know this to be true, becasue I have just returned home from two days at the coast with my parents, and that is what I feel, even though my parents home at the coast was my home for three years, and still feels like home to me. And a far more beautiful and homey home than mine is, too, with no job to be required to go to, and a sweetly beautiful and charming little town, and the ocean (for crying out loud). So it should, really, trump the ace of my apartment in Milwaukie. And yet it did not. Which makes me want to sit down and figure that out.

In the meantime, however, let me just say that the beach, and the waves and the foam and the tides are all as absolutely beautiful as ever, just as moving and heart-lifting and poetic, and yet as ordinary and quotidian as life at the ocean is every single day. Simply fabulous. I look forward to being able to live wherever I want to, and living within sight of the beach. A northern beach, though -- best would probably be an island, off the western coast of Washington or Canada or maybe Ireland. Probably an island would not be best, come to think -- although I have always wanted to live on an island -- but in case of emergency, they are hard to get to and from, unless you have a helicopter. But hey, a helicopter! No, no, stop getting distracted, your thoughts are running crazy! I can own a vacation house on an island, and just live on the mainland. And then perhaps switch them around when I am sure of my helicopter.

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