Today I received a book in the mail. It was one I had requested from the BookMooch program to which I belong, and one to which I was eagerly looking forward. It was called, "The Best Poems Ever; A Collection of Poetry's Greatest Voices," and it was edited by one Edric S. Mesmer. Which name sort of gave me pause for a moment. Sounds like the made-up name of a teen-age poet, doesn't it?
Anyway, it arrived today. And it was paperback, and it was 71 pages long, including table of contents, and notes in the back. It contained forty-five poems. FORTY-FIVE!!!
Ah, well. It was free. And it is the right size to be carried in a purse, on the bus. But I can see why they felt free to label it "the best" poetry, since there are so few of them!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Neighbor or Nuisance?
Well, I am annoyed. And so I am going to talk about my annoyance. Because this is what blogs are for, right? Sharing one's annoyance with the world. So listen up, world!
My neighbor is is fairly bad shape financially right now, (as who isn't!) and has been relying increasingly heavily on me to assist them in their life. For example, I take them shopping once a week, and allow them to use my computer when they wish, and run them on errands, etc. Mostly it is my car and my computer that they seek. However, this fairly reasonable requirement has increased over time, to being nearly every other day, and taken pretty much for granted. And if it is something that my neighbor feels uncomfortable asking me to do, they won't tell me what it is until they are already in my car and we are on the road. Thus I cannot, really, refuse to do the series of errands they want my chauffering for, without looking really obnoxious and witholding.
So there have been a few times when I have expressed myself -- such as "No, I'm not taking you to buy liquor twice a week -- besides the trip to the liquor store you always make when we grocery shop -- because even if you are willing to spend that kind of money on liquor, I am not willing to contribute to this problem." The result has been an offended and angry neighbor, who feels quite free to express this anger and offence to me. And I agree, I should not be involving myself in this drinking problem, as I am not their mother or their boss, but then, they should get themselves to and from the liquor store without asking me to chauffer them.
And then there are the annoying opposite times, when I am ready to help Neighbor in some way -- like this past Friday morning, when I had the house ready for them to come and use the computer -- and they did not arrive when they said they would. Or at all, in fact. And I, waiting nearly an hour past my usual Leave-for-work time, had called and left messages, and finally said, "Okay! I'm leaving!" and left. And the only reason, which they left on my answering machine later that morning, was that they didn't get up in time.
Okay. So this morning. My neighbor had called and told me that they were coming to use my computer today, and so I needed to pick them and their son up in the morning, and take the son to school and then take them back to my apartment, where they would be until the son got out of school, and then they would find their own way home, unless I let them wait in my apartment until I got home from work, and then took them home. Oh, and the son-to-school-in-the-morning thing would be every morning this week and a few next week, too. When, for several seconds, I was unable to respond, such was my shock and surprise at this series of demands, they added, "Please."
So, I began preparing my house for this, since, although tidy, it is not company-ready at all times, (plus I just had a migraine) and it was going to have a non-family, non-friend in it all day long! I left some of the tidy work to be done in the morning, and went to bed. However, last night was a white night. I was completely unable to sleep. Listened to three CDs of my book on tape, and finally got a bit of sleep between six and seven in the morning. Didn't make it out of bed until seven-thirty, though, and was due to pick up Neighbor and Son at 7:50. So I raced around, putting dishes in the dishwasher, closing my bedroom door on my unmade bed, etc. Remembered the vacuum cleaner in the back seat of the car when I hurried out to the car and found it! Had to run back upstairs with it, and finally made it to Neighbor's house, five minutes late.
Neighbor said, "Oh, no -- I'm not coming over this morning. I've got errands to do, and all. Just take Son to school, and I'll see you later. Maybe do some shopping tonight?"
ARRRGGG!
They did give me some gas money, though. I am really frustrated with this. To what degree am I supposed to be giving and helpful, and to what degree is this person just imposing themselves on me?
My neighbor is is fairly bad shape financially right now, (as who isn't!) and has been relying increasingly heavily on me to assist them in their life. For example, I take them shopping once a week, and allow them to use my computer when they wish, and run them on errands, etc. Mostly it is my car and my computer that they seek. However, this fairly reasonable requirement has increased over time, to being nearly every other day, and taken pretty much for granted. And if it is something that my neighbor feels uncomfortable asking me to do, they won't tell me what it is until they are already in my car and we are on the road. Thus I cannot, really, refuse to do the series of errands they want my chauffering for, without looking really obnoxious and witholding.
So there have been a few times when I have expressed myself -- such as "No, I'm not taking you to buy liquor twice a week -- besides the trip to the liquor store you always make when we grocery shop -- because even if you are willing to spend that kind of money on liquor, I am not willing to contribute to this problem." The result has been an offended and angry neighbor, who feels quite free to express this anger and offence to me. And I agree, I should not be involving myself in this drinking problem, as I am not their mother or their boss, but then, they should get themselves to and from the liquor store without asking me to chauffer them.
And then there are the annoying opposite times, when I am ready to help Neighbor in some way -- like this past Friday morning, when I had the house ready for them to come and use the computer -- and they did not arrive when they said they would. Or at all, in fact. And I, waiting nearly an hour past my usual Leave-for-work time, had called and left messages, and finally said, "Okay! I'm leaving!" and left. And the only reason, which they left on my answering machine later that morning, was that they didn't get up in time.
Okay. So this morning. My neighbor had called and told me that they were coming to use my computer today, and so I needed to pick them and their son up in the morning, and take the son to school and then take them back to my apartment, where they would be until the son got out of school, and then they would find their own way home, unless I let them wait in my apartment until I got home from work, and then took them home. Oh, and the son-to-school-in-the-morning thing would be every morning this week and a few next week, too. When, for several seconds, I was unable to respond, such was my shock and surprise at this series of demands, they added, "Please."
So, I began preparing my house for this, since, although tidy, it is not company-ready at all times, (plus I just had a migraine) and it was going to have a non-family, non-friend in it all day long! I left some of the tidy work to be done in the morning, and went to bed. However, last night was a white night. I was completely unable to sleep. Listened to three CDs of my book on tape, and finally got a bit of sleep between six and seven in the morning. Didn't make it out of bed until seven-thirty, though, and was due to pick up Neighbor and Son at 7:50. So I raced around, putting dishes in the dishwasher, closing my bedroom door on my unmade bed, etc. Remembered the vacuum cleaner in the back seat of the car when I hurried out to the car and found it! Had to run back upstairs with it, and finally made it to Neighbor's house, five minutes late.
Neighbor said, "Oh, no -- I'm not coming over this morning. I've got errands to do, and all. Just take Son to school, and I'll see you later. Maybe do some shopping tonight?"
ARRRGGG!
They did give me some gas money, though. I am really frustrated with this. To what degree am I supposed to be giving and helpful, and to what degree is this person just imposing themselves on me?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Migraine, migraine....
Okay, well, I am NOT feeling well. No, not at all. I have all the symptoms of an old-fashioned migraine, but the pain is in the wrong place! Which worries me a good deal (no doubt because I HAVE A MIGRAINE) since if the Old Firm is no longer enough for migraines, what, they need my WHOLE HEAD? So I won't be able to recognize a migraine straightaway, won't be able to tell the difference between just a regular headache which may well respond to a handful of ibuprofen or a tall glass of water or some food or something -- because there is now no longer any special Migraine Place? Ohhh, this is not good, not good at all...
I'm at the office, it is now nearly eleven in the morning, and I have not seen a single person yet today. One phone call. No people. If Doug would just come in, I would immediately shut down my computer and go home, such is my feeling.
It's a pretty day out there, but I can't even raise my eyes to look at it, because there is far too much light, too bright, much too bright, another familiar migraine symptom. The pain in my head ratchets up from bearable-if-held-still, to momentarily COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE, and dies away slowly as I close my eyes and rapidly re-lower my head. Not too fast, though, 'cause vertigo is a very powerful inducer of vomit. And I am hanging on hard to the whole Not-Vomiting idea.
Oooh. Driving. I do have sunglasses, but still. Driving is a horrifying idea. Oh, I want there to be farcasters, I really do. I could totter a few steps with my eyes closed, and step through a farcaster that ended up in my bedroom....but driving a car? In the brilliant sun? Can't think about that right now, swallow, swallow, swallow...
Eleven-oh-four, and now two Nameless Agents are here, talking much too loudly and moving much too fast and wearing FAR TOO MUCH cologne. Slow down, shut up, hold still and wash!
Leaf-blower right outside the door. Blowing a few wet leaves here and there. So very obnoxiously loud. Sun has gone behind a cloud, however, so that feels less desperate.
Ohhhhh, I want to go home, I want my own bed, and to close my eyes with a pillow over my head and hear and see nothing....
I'm at the office, it is now nearly eleven in the morning, and I have not seen a single person yet today. One phone call. No people. If Doug would just come in, I would immediately shut down my computer and go home, such is my feeling.
It's a pretty day out there, but I can't even raise my eyes to look at it, because there is far too much light, too bright, much too bright, another familiar migraine symptom. The pain in my head ratchets up from bearable-if-held-still, to momentarily COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE, and dies away slowly as I close my eyes and rapidly re-lower my head. Not too fast, though, 'cause vertigo is a very powerful inducer of vomit. And I am hanging on hard to the whole Not-Vomiting idea.
Oooh. Driving. I do have sunglasses, but still. Driving is a horrifying idea. Oh, I want there to be farcasters, I really do. I could totter a few steps with my eyes closed, and step through a farcaster that ended up in my bedroom....but driving a car? In the brilliant sun? Can't think about that right now, swallow, swallow, swallow...
Eleven-oh-four, and now two Nameless Agents are here, talking much too loudly and moving much too fast and wearing FAR TOO MUCH cologne. Slow down, shut up, hold still and wash!
Leaf-blower right outside the door. Blowing a few wet leaves here and there. So very obnoxiously loud. Sun has gone behind a cloud, however, so that feels less desperate.
Ohhhhh, I want to go home, I want my own bed, and to close my eyes with a pillow over my head and hear and see nothing....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
RIP Shirley Wallan
Goodness me, I have just talked with Keith on the phone for more than an hour and a half. My ear is very flat and red. Ow. But I was glad to do it, both because it is fun to talk with Keith, and because his mother died yesterday. And he found her. Shudder!
He called me yesterday and told me about it, and cried, which may be the first time I have heard him cry. Doesn't seem possible, does it, since we dated for seven years? My memory could be merely gone kaplooie. But if so, I don't remember it.
Dreadful to think about, my mother dying. And oddly enough, Dad and I had just been talking about that when I was down there last week. We were walking on the beach road, and he said, "If I should suddenly croak, please don't leave Mom up there alone," and I responded, 'Dad, if you were so bad-mannered as to suddenly croak, I would promptly move in with Mom. And the same thing, if she were to suddenly die, I would move in with you. That's already understood." He was quite relieved to hear this, but of course he pooh-poohed the need for me to move in with him, cuz he, of course, is one hundred per cent capable of looking after himself. Which he is certainly not. Mom brings him his coffee in the morning, in bed, for him to take his pills with, and then at intervals throughout the day. And although he occasionally makes himself coffee, it is an occasion when he does! She also feeds him almost every bite he eats, and does his laundry and pays his bills -- of course he could do these things, but he hasn't done them for forty-six years.
And Keith's Dad, who has outlived his wife, was always supposed to be the one who went first, because he is very, very frail. Keith's worried.
He called me yesterday and told me about it, and cried, which may be the first time I have heard him cry. Doesn't seem possible, does it, since we dated for seven years? My memory could be merely gone kaplooie. But if so, I don't remember it.
Dreadful to think about, my mother dying. And oddly enough, Dad and I had just been talking about that when I was down there last week. We were walking on the beach road, and he said, "If I should suddenly croak, please don't leave Mom up there alone," and I responded, 'Dad, if you were so bad-mannered as to suddenly croak, I would promptly move in with Mom. And the same thing, if she were to suddenly die, I would move in with you. That's already understood." He was quite relieved to hear this, but of course he pooh-poohed the need for me to move in with him, cuz he, of course, is one hundred per cent capable of looking after himself. Which he is certainly not. Mom brings him his coffee in the morning, in bed, for him to take his pills with, and then at intervals throughout the day. And although he occasionally makes himself coffee, it is an occasion when he does! She also feeds him almost every bite he eats, and does his laundry and pays his bills -- of course he could do these things, but he hasn't done them for forty-six years.
And Keith's Dad, who has outlived his wife, was always supposed to be the one who went first, because he is very, very frail. Keith's worried.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The sun over the yardarm
Hmmm, question. It is a blue-and-golden Saturday in October, and the first Autumnal day we have had so far this year -- electricity shimmering and crackling in the air! -- and I have had a double bourbon-and-Coke already this morning. Before noon. Before noon, on a Saturday, I have had a drink, and a double at that.
So am I in danger of becoming an alcoholic? No, that isn't what worries me -- I drink far too seldomly (if that is a word) for that to be a problem. What does worry me? Is it wrong? I know there are no laws about when one may drink alcohol, so I'm not worried about breaking any laws. But is it a bad thing to do? Bad for my health, or my stability of mind, or my reputation?
What do you think?
So am I in danger of becoming an alcoholic? No, that isn't what worries me -- I drink far too seldomly (if that is a word) for that to be a problem. What does worry me? Is it wrong? I know there are no laws about when one may drink alcohol, so I'm not worried about breaking any laws. But is it a bad thing to do? Bad for my health, or my stability of mind, or my reputation?
What do you think?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I need a helicopter
Home again, home again (jiggety jig). I wonder what it is about home that makes it so relieving to get there. Probably some of it is just the relief -- the relief of no longer travelling, of driving if you're drving, or getting on and off planes, of trying to keep track of your belongings and your money, but just being somewhere where all of your clothes and toothbrushes and books and all ARE. But part of it is a warmer, more welcoming and happier feeling than that. It's as though you can let your breath out in a big sigh, but not merely of relief -- also of happiness to be back where you belong. And I know this to be true, becasue I have just returned home from two days at the coast with my parents, and that is what I feel, even though my parents home at the coast was my home for three years, and still feels like home to me. And a far more beautiful and homey home than mine is, too, with no job to be required to go to, and a sweetly beautiful and charming little town, and the ocean (for crying out loud). So it should, really, trump the ace of my apartment in Milwaukie. And yet it did not. Which makes me want to sit down and figure that out.
In the meantime, however, let me just say that the beach, and the waves and the foam and the tides are all as absolutely beautiful as ever, just as moving and heart-lifting and poetic, and yet as ordinary and quotidian as life at the ocean is every single day. Simply fabulous. I look forward to being able to live wherever I want to, and living within sight of the beach. A northern beach, though -- best would probably be an island, off the western coast of Washington or Canada or maybe Ireland. Probably an island would not be best, come to think -- although I have always wanted to live on an island -- but in case of emergency, they are hard to get to and from, unless you have a helicopter. But hey, a helicopter! No, no, stop getting distracted, your thoughts are running crazy! I can own a vacation house on an island, and just live on the mainland. And then perhaps switch them around when I am sure of my helicopter.
In the meantime, however, let me just say that the beach, and the waves and the foam and the tides are all as absolutely beautiful as ever, just as moving and heart-lifting and poetic, and yet as ordinary and quotidian as life at the ocean is every single day. Simply fabulous. I look forward to being able to live wherever I want to, and living within sight of the beach. A northern beach, though -- best would probably be an island, off the western coast of Washington or Canada or maybe Ireland. Probably an island would not be best, come to think -- although I have always wanted to live on an island -- but in case of emergency, they are hard to get to and from, unless you have a helicopter. But hey, a helicopter! No, no, stop getting distracted, your thoughts are running crazy! I can own a vacation house on an island, and just live on the mainland. And then perhaps switch them around when I am sure of my helicopter.
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